When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
