gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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