so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
