my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
