I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
