Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
