At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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