After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
