when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
