My nipple is on Facebook.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
