dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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