1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
