I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
