Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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