So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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