We won't sleep together?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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