Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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