Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
