Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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