How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
