New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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