we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
