Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can text with my tongue
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
