I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
