im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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