ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
