What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
