i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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