i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
