If that was your dad, he is hot
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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