my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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