Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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