i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
