This girl is more easily done than said...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
