She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
