well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
