you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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