First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
