u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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