dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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