Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
