Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there's paper in my vomit.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
