NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
