you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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