Screwed.edu
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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