You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
