In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
