So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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