My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
