i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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