I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
