You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
