sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
