if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
