3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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